#yes I am a bad person
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shoujo rei my fave vocaloid song ever and something I should not relate to as much as I do
#shoujo rei#idk i need a friend or something#i love that song with my life#and it is so fucking relatable#yes i am a bad person
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Ooh. New reading list.
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i miss gatekeeping, i miss things I like not being enjoyed by normiesssssssss. I know this is a big baby take but I'm tired of seeing things I hold near and dear to my heart reduced to some lazy youtube short
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please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!
do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!
#i am so sick of writers having to anticipate the most boring#bad-faith readings of their work. i am like - if you use cheese as a currency#okay! as long as the world makes sense to me: cool. cheese tax. moving on.#my job as the reader is to suspend my disbelief and say okay! i am so sick of like#fanfiction authors having to write dissertations#because they had an interesting idea they'd like to try out!!!#just write it! if it doesn't make sense that's someone else's problem!!!#PS OP is autistic. yes sometimes i take things literally at first glance. then i think about it lol#this is so clearly not about accessibility etc. it's about like. girl even i an autistic person#am able to understand ''they probably didn't mean his eyes darkened LITERALLY''
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i hope everyone in nintendo’s management department dies and goes to hell no matter what and i’m not kidding
#WERE LOSING YUZU AND CITRA. I DONT KNOW IF YOU ALL UNDERSTAND HOW INSANE THIS IS#game emulation enables piracy yes but it’s also an INCREDIBLY powerful archival tool.#there are plenty of games out there that only exist in their original formats due to emulation.#this lawsuit has HORRIBLE implications for video game history. it makes it incredibly easy for companies to scorched earth their products#if they’re not profitable enough. ART IS GOING TO BE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS. GAMES PEOPLE WORKED INCREDIBLY HARD ON#it won’t just happen to bad games. it won’t just happen to old games. they will use this to keep their remake/virtual console model going#forever and you will never be able to play your favorite games in their true original forms ever again.#i am fucking INSANELY mad rn. capitalism is the death of art fr#personal
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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If even acknowledging antisemitism within your community spaces is going to "distract from the cause," maybe that's because the foundation of your beliefs comes down to antisemitism. What you're doing is telling on yourself.
#jumblr#jewish politics#personal thoughts tag#yes if you're in the group chat this is a vague post but seeing that (what i complained about) made me realize this#maybe it wasn't all that bad then???#this has the same energy as people who say that acknowledging transphobia in feminist spaces is wrong#because obviously you can only focus on One Thing At A Time like we're in a video game! (sarcasm)#i promise you can be against bigotry of all kind and it won't take away from anything about your causes#like i'm a Believer In Feminism and i also focus on fixing transphobia within these spaces i am in! it's EASY!!!#it's easy because i see trans people as intrinsic human beings i'll give you that but it's still easy#women are not Missing Out on my activism because i am focused on more than one thing at a time
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I love Arson he's my favorite heater but I should really get a cheap laptop one day so I can leave the house to write because the Noise. Is . Too Much. I need to go write in the forest
#I live in a very very full and busy house hold#and sometimes it makes it extremely difficult to work#both on art stuff and packaging#but also writing especially#i have horrible executive dysfunction but on good days ill still try and get thwarted by multiple inturruptions and loud sounds#and on bad days ill just completely shut down from it all#adhd meds and headphones cannot fix Other People In My Space lmao#sara shush#personal#complaining#Unfortunately if i ask to be left alone or for quieter volume i will get neither of those even if i lock my door#I legit have a sign on my door that lets people know when im live streaming and have asked not even volume control just to be left alone#and there will still be knocking on my door for questions like 'can you go get something from the store'#i need. people to understand that if i am busy esp if i am doing packages and stickers and stuff that i am WORKING#please treat it like im at a 9-5 office building somewhere act like i dont exist#you dont just walk into someones place of work and start venting/asking them of things while theyre at their job#'but you're at home' yes and im still working and i have communicated this several times#i did not mean to vent but GOD
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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how can the doctor be a mansplainer when they’re not a man and they never explain anything 🤔
#yes ik the doctor does actually explain what’s happening every now and then. i am using hyperbole#but also it’s not mansplaining when you genuinely are the only person who knows wtf is happening. which the doctor often is.#i don’t think moffat knows what mansplaining is but did we really expect him to 😔#it’s got ‘feminism is when you say men bad’ vibes#which the star beast did too. sigh. anyways.#doctor who#joy to the world#dw spoilers#doctor who spoilers#mars speaks
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I hate the marauders please stop turning all my favorite characters into stupid versions of Harry Potter characters. You’re wrong and immoral for that one. I’m actually bashing your skull in with a hefty congerblock. cinder block. Leave me alone.
#no the raven boys are not the marauders. no jayvik is not Remus lupin and James potter#shut up shut up shut up#fuck the marauders#I hate Remus lupin I hate James potter I especially hate regulus black I hate every single person in that god forsaken fandom#hope you become conscious again and quit sucking jkrs stupid transphobic dick#sorry I’m full of rage#ada.txt#jayvik#trc#pynch#I’ve quite literally written marauders fanfiction but I grew out of it. yes I am claiming superiority. I don’t care no one will see this.#I just need to put bad energy into the world
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why does every tsc male main character act like a divorced father of three w bills to pay at 17. who gave them the right.
#julian. will. jace. kit. alec. i could go on and on#(the only person w a right to act this way is robert and even then. i don't believe he has a right to do anything)#it's the spiritual eye bags and anger and despair in their voice everytime they talk while going through their angst era#which inevitably leads to bad decision-making. who would've thought. and also the constant self-doubting and self-hatred#also why are the teenage boys free to run wild though like if i were the clave#i'd make sure they get mandatory classes on human empathy and emotional intelligence before letting them take charge of anything btw#not a fav but a fun trope for an mmc/male love interest truly is the teenaged divorced father#am i easily annoyed by it? yes. but they are men. it is inevitable#but is it extra and dramatic and fun to read? also yes#julian blackthorn#will herondale#alec lightwood#jace herondale#kit herondale#the shadowhunter chronicles#tsc
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While we’re on the subject of Alfred sucks: Au where deadbeat adult Tim travels back in time and is stuck. To avoid messing with the timeline he creates a new identity: Alfred Pennyworth. Tim was Alfred the whole time
it would explain why originally alfred just kinda appeared one day also why Alfred doesn't like Jason and why alfred decided to give robin to this random kid he just met
#ask#anon#my god i think your onto something#okay but now i am just imagining alfred with that like#really bad fake english accent all Americans do#and bruce is like ah yes#this is definitely a real english person
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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So, so many queer people, I've noticed, can put themselves in precarious situations wherein they feel accepted by people and the queer person would do anything for those who accept them, even if it is harmful to them, even if it is scary. It feels like you are indebted to those who accept you because you know that isn't the case for every person you meet. To so many queer people, they are afraid to upset others who accept them (or "accept" them) because they are so scared of rejection. This is completely human and completely normal. But that doesn't mean you deserve to be taken advantage of. You deserve to be treated as an equal because you inherently are an equal - to everybody.
Please know that the people who truly, truly respect and care for you will understand when you can't do everything. They will still respect you, because you are a human being. Saying "no" is neutral at worst. You deserve to honour yourself, too.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#i felt this (and feel this) so hard as a trans person and i think that can easily become dangerous...#...because saying 'no' is vital i think. it's something i am so bad at in part because of my queerness and not feeling accepted by it...#...and yes we are responsible for this part of ourselves but also... it does make you vulnerable#genuine support is very important but that isn't the same as being indebted to people for being accepting you know?#i just worry for other queer people who also feel this way and i just want us all to feel more confident in our place and what we deserve...#...because we deserve good things! we deserve to let others down without worrying that we are terrible awful people who won't be accepted
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mentioned Ibe in the previous post so in case anyone doesn't know him he is a doctor who makes medical illustrations showing black people.
and my personal favourite:
#dengue one is personal yeah I got comments on how at least it doesn't look so bad on my skin#because lighskin as I am rash still looks more brown than bright pink on me. but we associate it with the bright pink spots#even if it's mainly pardas and black women catching it so yeah it changed something in me seeing a black man in the drawing#it's not by him I think the illustrator is a woman doctor even but his association does have a drawing of a black woman bit by a mosquito#which isn't something I expected myself to be so excited and emotional about but. yeah#my first contact with him was in one of my classes in college about publishing school materials#and fuck if it didn't solidify a lot of reflection about the images that go on textbooks#which yes. includes women only appearing if the condition is exclusively of the female sex in this#but fuck if his work didn't make me cry. I'm an educator and the daughter of a black healthcare professional. and I never thought about it#how every single anatomical drawing I had seen in my life and even photographs of medical conditions. had been of white people#I come from a predominantly black family with a history of skin cancer dammit. I had never questioned it. part of me was embarrassed of me
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